


Last time Orochimaru cried

by goddamnitaisha



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 04:38:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11775663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamnitaisha/pseuds/goddamnitaisha
Summary: Orochimaru visits his mother's grave. He tells her about his life after the 4th war and it hurts. A few hours later Tsunade arrives and they visit Jiraiya's grave together. Positive ending.  #Angst #hurt/comfort.





	Last time Orochimaru cried

After the war, Orochimaru was allowed to briefly visit Konoha. The Hidden Village needed him to cross-examine Sasuke’s and Kabuto’s testimonies. “But don’t stir up any trouble,” the village council had warned.

It would be hard to not stir up trouble. There were still many people who wanted him dead. There were betrayed friends. And former experiments. Families whose husband or wife he’d stolen away. Anyone could attack him. 

A knife between the third and the fourth rib punctured the lung. A long knife would puncture a heart. He would be dead before he could heal himself. He was an experimental medic. Battle healings were better left to Kabuto, Tsunade. 

“Succumbed to his injuries” the newspaper would read, or, “an accidental robbery”, or, an “accident after the war”. Orochimaru didn’t want any trouble. 

So he came so late at night that it counted as early morning. He wore his ROOT cloak, even though ROOT was disbanded by now. The smelled old and musky. After the mission to the village of ‘The Lady of A Thousand Returns’ it had never been properly clean.

He went past the guard, demanded his permit letter and called Sakumo’s son Kakashi up, then let him through. One guard followed, but at the place where the street ended and the grass began, Orochimaru told him what he planned to do. The guard nodded, left.

He walked the endless grass field. The graveyard was both too large and too small: there were so many graves. Hundreds had died, the village population brought to a half, the working leaf ninja population brought to a bare 15%. It was almost untouchable. There were stones stacked up to the wooden fence, for people who had been buried already but hadn’t gotten their stones yet.

Orochimaru knew flawlessly where to find his mother’s grave. All the stones looked the same, but her knew the right one without even reading her name. He sat down there, ankles under his bum. The tears didn’t come at first, until he began to tell. He told her about why he hadn’t visited, that he had kept his promise from back then: He had killed sensei and broken Konoha. He was past that now. Things had changed.

He began to cry harder when he told her that he had fallen in love. He covered his eyes with his hands. His hot tears cooled down as they rolled over his chin. His nose pricked because it was so stuffed, and talking was so goddamn hard. 

But he was proud of some things still. After all he’d done, he could still be proud of some! Yes, he had fallen in love and married and divorced. But it was alright. Now had a wonderful boy. “You would have loved him too, I know it. He has your eyes. And chubby cheeks, fu fu fu…”

Oh, and he had collected children like him: children nobody wanted. He had fought in the war. And some of the teenagers had fought in that war too. He had forbidden some children to fight. Still, too many had died. And it hurt so much. He had _raised_ them. He had _trained_ them. He had done his best for most but maybe he had spent to much time on Sasuke-kun. “If you meet those dears, greet them for me, will you, mother?”

Snot dripped off his nose. The tears didn’t come from the corners of his eyes any more, now it was the center. He told her about Sasuke. How proud he was. That he had played the vital role in the war. That the enemy was an Ootsutsuki like Kimimaro-kun. “You remember Kimi, right?”

He told her Tsunade was still alive, and how happy he was about that. He said three words about Jiraiya, “Jira is gone,” and that was most he could manage before a whole new wave of water broke him.

When he regained his breath, his own feet were cold. His hands were cold. The wind had begun to blow harder and he had no more tears left to cry. How many hours had he spent here? Two? Three? He didn’t check the time, he had the luxury of eternity now.

“Sometimes I wished I could die,” he said. “I just get so tired. You’re all _there_. I’m just here. I keep winning then losing. I keep hurting. I wish I could see everyone and I miss you so much. Perhaps I don’t wish to die. I wish I could just see and hold everybody. And I want to get en embrace. I long to be touched.”

He just sat there. He was one man in an endless field of graves. 

He brushed away the cold paths which the fallen tears had left behind. He sat down on his bum, with his ankles under his knees. He wanted to find his inner cooldown calm. Senjutsu meditation? He listened to the wind, and to the waving blades of the grass. He listened to the Nara forest nearby. 

All he felt was sadness.

Eventually, after a lot more time, there was another visitor to the graveyard. Orochimaru heard high heels first click on the stones, and be quiet on the grass. 

When he turned around, he looked. 

She looked back. She went to a certain grave.

Orochimaru focused back to the gravestone that he had brushed off with his hands. He said, “Give Father my love, will you.” 

When he moved, everything hurt from the cold. He went to Dan’s grave. 

Tsunade stood there. The guard that had followed Orochimaru must have let word get back to Tsunade.

He approached. 

She looked up, with her brown eyes. 

He looked back. 

Neither of them said something. 

He stepped the last three steps forward. He put his hand on hand on her shoulder-blade. He wrapped one arm around her shoulder and she let him. They were both tense for a moment. Orochimaru thought it was strange how ancient yet familiar this embrace felt. 

They both looked at Dan’s name.

Tsunade put her head on his shoulder. “Hey.”

He swallowed. “Hey.”

Then she relaxed and melted.  

They said nothing. They just stood. The wind blew his hair against her arms and he hoped she didn’t mind. She smelled of the standard Konoha hospital eucalyptus soap - a smell he’d thought he had forgotten.

She asked after a while: “Shall we visit the others, too?”

They did. Her little brother, their sensei, their friends, THE friend.

They looked down on the stone. Orochimaru thought it looked to small. This one stone could not encompass or represent his magnificence. The stone should be bigger than the rest. But, he thought, _if it had to be Jiraiya’s size, it should be the size of a mountain._

Then, after a while, Tsunade looked up to his face.

“You don’t even cry. You’re always so cold, Orochimaru. ”

His own eyes hurt. He blinked slowly. His face was warm. He didn’t say he couldn’t cry because he had no more water. He was dry and exhausted. Instead, he said: “Shall we get a drink?”

“It’s early morning.”

“It’s still the same night to me, Princess. I did not go to bed.”

She looked at him. “Lets have tea.”

“We cannot toast with tea,” he said. One look from her made him change his mind. “We can toast with tea, but it won’t be proper.”

“Let’s start walking back.” She was always the leader. “Do you have any where to sleep?”

Orochimaru kept his eyes down on Jiraiya’s name. “I am scheduled to leave later today. I still must have a house around here.” He said his silent bye, and went with her. She steered him more than he did to her. He just held on to her.

“Your house? No, don’t go there. I boobytrapped it.”

“You did what now?”

“You were an enemy ninja. I was Hokage. I was angry. I had to do-”

“No,” he said, quickly interrupting her before they would start talking about politics or pain. “I mean, _booby_ …trapped.”

Tsunade understood now. She negotiated her own reaction.

“Pfffu fu fu fu…” He pressed his lips together so much in order not to smile, that his lips quivered. For some reason, this was hilarious. “Pfffu fu fu f-.”

She stomped his side. It was without chakra. Didn’t matter. He still doubled over.

She pulled her fist back, fingers still balled. “You’re as bad as Jiraiya!”

“Trap me in your boobies, Princessss~,” Orochimaru said.

Her next reaction was an actual punch.

Orochimaru put in chakra effort to dodge. It was close. 

She gazed his shirt.  
  
“Tea first?” he tried.

“Do I even _want_ you in my house tonight?” she sighed, but she was smiling. The smile curled both sides of the lipstick lips. Princess Tsunade was smiling. It felt exhilarating, like a personal a victory.

_I will be sure to guard your happiness, Princess._

**Author's Note:**

> That was the last time Orochimaru cried, and after that he cried no more because his life became happy. ;) Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment.


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